This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
