I hope mine doesn't look like that
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
we're so committed to being not committed
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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