I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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