My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
