Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
