So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
