she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
