i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I smell like Dick and happiness
His nipple licking is glorious
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