i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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