so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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