look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
