If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
