I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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