also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She's the barista slut.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
