Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
