Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
