OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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