i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
