just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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