The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
