yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
