I want to have your abortion
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Randomize