I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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