do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
