Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
