yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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