im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
