Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
