Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
