she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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