i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
