Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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