were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
