i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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