i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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