last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
