She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
