She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
