The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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