So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
