Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
