i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
