im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
