your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
