i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
