he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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