okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
