Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
