I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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