is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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