so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
i now understand why vodka
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
