in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Randomize
