just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
