every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize