Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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