seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
