Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
