i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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