Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
