if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
