haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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