his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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