You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize