I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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