It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
