They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
