I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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