If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You need a sexual gate keeper
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
