So drunk its hurt
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
