I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
