You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
