So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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