I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
We smell like vodka and hangover
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