is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
