I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
