Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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