I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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