So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I stole a fireplace last night.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
