Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Did I show you my penis last night?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
