when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
